At Unichurch we want to see women grow in their love for God and knowledge of the gospel. As a result we are encouraged to see women taking the initiative to care for each other, as well as reaching out to their non-church friends and family. While much of the important ‘grass-roots’ ministry is informal, Unichurch’s women’s ministry – Aroma – plans to continue encouraging this kingdom-building work through events and programs, hospitality, bible reading partnerships and prayer. For more information please contact Jennie Tate, women’s assistant minister, at This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it.
.jpg)
singleness marriage & divorce A morning spent exploring the joys and struggles of being single, married and divorced. talk one: Jennie speaks about singleness talk two: Susan speaks about marriage talk three: Rowena speaks about divorce Q&A |
Questions not covered by the talks Saturday 13th May, 2012 Exactly why can’t you marry a non-believer if they are supportive of your beliefs? The answer to this is wrapped up in what it means to be a Christian. Following Jesus is for the whole of our lives. Our purpose is to serve and honor him, and that’s also the best thing for us to flourish as human beings. All our relationships too, should be for God’s glory . Christian friendships, family and marriages can show the world how great, good, glorious and gracious God is.
Marriage was designed by God (Gen 2:20-25) to be a safe and intimate partnership. Couples are addressed in various parts of the Bible, including Ephesians chapter five. The woman respects her husband, and he loves his wife. Verses twenty one to thirty three tell us this is an echo of the church and Jesus, demonstrating God’s cleansing kindness to us, and that our first loyalty is to Him. Being married is hard work - it’s often not easy reflect Jesus’ love for us to a spouse, Christian or not.
Non-Christians, naturally, don’t share this perspective on marriage. Many a believer, married to an unbeliever, can testify to the difficulties this produces. Their spouses do not share their essential, life-giving relationship with Jesus and so cannot be a source of Christian encouragement and god-given grace. This often makes following Jesus more difficult for the Christian partner. Therefore, it is unwise to marry a non-Christian. More than that, however, it is disobedient to marry an unbeliever. In the Old Testament Israel is punished by God for being lead astray when they intermarried with the pagan tribes that surrounded them. Most clearly, however, Paul in 1 Corinthians 7, verse 39 commands that in situations in which Christians are free to choose who they marry, as we are, we are told to marry someone who is ‘in the lord’.
God’s word is clear that we are not to marry those who don’t belong to Him. How do you know if you ‘should be’ single?(ie. you’d be better off single) I guess there are two aspects to this question. The first is the immediate sense - ‘I’m single, has something gone wrong?’. However, because God is powerful AND personal our marital status is under his control (Prov 16:9). He’s good so he gives us good things (Matt 7:11, James 1:16-17). Therefore, if you’re single now, you’re supposed to be single now.
The second aspect could be, ‘Should I be single for the course of my life? Could I decide to be single and be better off?’. It’s certainly possible to be single for life and a complete, flourishing person, as Jesus and Paul both demonstrate. Paul expresses a personal preference for singleness it in 1 Corinthains 7:37-40, and throughout the whole chapter he affirms that both singleness and marriage are good and states in which we are to serve God. Someone might decide to be single for a variety of reasons - past experiences, future prospects, personality, family commitments. To do so is a perfectly legitimate choice when made with prayer, wise counsel and wholehearted trust in God’s provision. However, I think we shouldn’t make vows of singleness, because again, God is in control and we aren’t (Matt 5:33-37, James 4:13-17).
I consider it a privilege when friends ask me for advice about relationships and know they often wouldn’t be comfortable asking elsewhere, but given I’ve never been in a relationship, I’m not sure how best to answer many questions. What do you think is the loving way to approach this? Firstly, it’s great that your friends confide in you and respect your opinion! It’s also encouraging that you’re taking that responsibility seriously and seeking to best love them by being careful with your advice. Hurrah!
I guess it depends if you’re friends are also believers or not. If not, you’ll need to be careful to not mis-apply the moral implications of following Jesus to them. But that’s another whole conversation, so let’s assume that they are Christians.
My personal advice is that you need to be both confident and humble. ‘Confident’ in that what God says about how to live is right, reliable and applicable to all. Being obedient to God and putting our trust in Him brings about our flourishing as he cares for us. Many parts scripture talk about male-female relationships, so they’re good places to start with yoru friends (eg. Gen 2 & 3, Song of Songs, Ephesians 5, 2 Timothy 2 & 5 etc).
‘Humble’ in that you recognise you don’t face the same circumstances, temptations and decisions as those asking you for advice. We are all sinners and relationships often cause us to stumble, but God gives forgiveness to all when we ask for it. Don’t judge your friends, but be discerning about their situations. You’re perspective is helpful precisely because you are a little removed. Just because you haven’t faced the same experiences doesn’t mean you can’t have opinions about them, just be humble. |
|
|
|
|
